The best part about sports is the unpredictability that can happen on any given night. So it was that I took a break from playing computer games and became enthralled with Lakers-Clippers on opening night of the 2013-2014 NBA season. Now it may seem odd that I wasn’t already locked into the first night of action for my favorite sport, but the truth is I have always had a hard time sitting down and merely watching television. I am a gamer, I love the interactivity, the investment that comes from direct control. I find passive absorption of media to be trying of my almost certain undiagnosed ADD. Yet here I was completely absorbed by the Lakers dismantling the Clippers on TNT. The new look Clippers¹ were supposed to easily handle a Lakers team without Kobe Bryant, abandoned by Dwight Howard, and having a sever lack of NBA caliber talent. Yet here were the Jordan Farmar led Lakers with a double digit lead owning the fourth quarter. The Lakers played the entire fourth without a single starter seeing time, yet they dismantled a Clippers team that seemed to have taken as much of Doc River’s defense to heart as I did my ex-girlfriend telling me to stop wearing jeans that haven’t been washed in 3 months. It was a glorious exercise in absurdity, where Chris Paul became increasingly frustrated by non-existent defensive rotations allowing the Lakers bench to score 76 points! It was a game that reminded me why I watch the NBA. A few notes on the game, but first

Commercial Break(down)

Google Nexus commercial

1^st – So the kid googles glossophobia, which means the fear of public speaking. But why would you google the actual word? Wouldn’t you be searching for “fear of public speaking” and then find out glossophobia was the technical term? Who on Earth knows the word glossophobia but doesn’t know what it means. Even if he just randomly heard the term, it’s a pretty substantial coincidence that it refers to the problem he is currently facing.

2^nd – Did he watch the movie the King’s Speech? I haven’t seen the King’s Speech. But I was a child once² and I would not have watched the King’s Speech.

3^rd – That Franklin Roosevelt quote is often wrongfully attributed to Winston Churchill. I like to think that this was an occurrence that frequently angered the commercial director and/or writer and that was why it was included.

4^th – there has never existed a grade school, middle school, or high school class that would enthusiastically applaud a class assigned speech in the history of ever.

5^th – nor has there ever existed a girl who would be that impressed by a class assigned speech

6^th – seriously now he is googling how to talk to girls. This kid needs a parental figure or an older brother or something

Back to our regularly scheduled progamming

• Swaggy P, the artistly formerly known as Nick Young is the gift that keeps on giving. He is going to cause Kobe to set a new NBA record for WTF looks in an NBA game.
• Steve Nash was shown lying on the court by the bench in order to ease pain in has back while not playing. This brought me untold sadness
• Chris Kaman is my favorite “that guy made an all star team” player in the NBA
• Xavier Henri is possibly a legitimate NBA role player and desperately needs a nickname so people will stop mispronouncing his name.
• Someone once told Reggie Miller a bunch of idioms but Reggie Miller only half remembered them. We should all be thankful this happened.
• I really like the TNT halftime b-squad. They were funny, insightful, featured Chris Webber, and did not feature Shaq. All positives.
• Seriously Jordan Farmar led the Lakers to a fourth quarter route of the Clippers. Paul Gasol, Steve Nash, Kobe Bryant, all unnecessary.
• Doc Rivers is going to kill DeAndre Jordan before the year is over.
• The Chris Paul/Cliff Paul commercials are going to continue to be a part of our lives
• Speaking of Chris Paul commercials. To quote Alex Joseph “Good God” there were a lot of them. And all basically the same commercial. Wouldn’t you spread those out over the course of the season? Are there going to be that many for a player playing in each TNT game? They were indistinguishable, and the one with Craig Sager was really the only one you needed, cause Craig Sager.
• J.J. Reddick was a very underrated pickup for the Clippers. I’ve always liked him, despite his years at Duke, and I’m glad to see him back on a contender.
• Doc Rivers should have substituted in Byron Mullens. That was probably the only hope the Clips had down the stretch. Also BJ Mullens is awesome.
• Swaggy P’s 13 points were the difference in the game. Just sayin’

This game was exactly why we started Slackerz Guide. It made no sense, it is almost certainly not a reflection of how the season will go, and it was an absolute blast to watch. Sports are entertainment, and this was as entertaining as a regular season NBA game gets. Jordan Farmar, Xavier Henri, Nick Young. We are all witness.

That’s all the useless, half assed insights I have folks. Happy NBA season.